As a shepherd, I am constantly watching the animals. Did everyone come to eat their grain? Does anyone have a dazed, ‘I am not feeling good’ look? Is anyone limping? Are they separated from the crowd? Is everyone here!?
It happened to Cappuletta’s daughter, Suzie. I fed the sheep their grain, but Suzie was off by herself and did not come to eat. …
I went to see her, (she is one of my friendly mama sheep) and noticed a raspy sound as she was breathing. Her head was low, she didn’t move much at all. I just sat with her and thought. Her eye had that weird white cloudy area, much like the baby calf’s eye had. Her breathing is what troubled me very much.
The vet had given me some medicine to use for the baby calf, but it died the night the vet left, so the vet said to keep the medicine in the freezer. So, knowing that it was stronger than Penicillin Procaine G, I decided to give her a dose.
The next day, she was worse. I had also started giving her my ‘wilson’ concoction: Probiotics, Electrolytes, Molasses, Yogurt, water, all mixed together and given to her as a drench. My determining factor of when to put an animal down, or keep trying is that if they continue to swallow. I keep giving them liquids. So, she was swallowing, but barely breathing. I put a blanket on her during the night, and set up a shade tent during the day for her. That Sunday, our pastor had his sermon based on healing.
I love it when the pastor speaks to all people in the congregation, but God speaks directly to me, through the pastor's sermon. I believe that is the power of the Holy Spirit. Just like the day of Pentecost, Peter was speaking to the crowd of all nationalities but each one heard them in their own native tongue. God knows what I need. I believe God was telling me about healing Suzie.
Julianne and Cameron saw Suzie that Sunday evening and Cameron’s words were, “She is dying.” I asked, pleaded with God to save her, but also questioning can you?, Will you save her? His reply was, “Ye of little faith!” That is what I kept hearing over and over again from my Lord. So, I tried. I tried to put aside my thoughts of unbelief, and heard His words over and over again. “I will take care of her!”
WELL. You know what happened. The next day, morning, early morning, I left Dan in the bed, haha, much to his dismay and not understanding. I don’t think he is a farmer at heart. His response to sheep baahing, or dogs barking…is “They always cry!” But, I left the house, actually back in my soul searching loss of faith mode, thinking will Suzie be breathing? Will she be alive?
Susie , who had spent the previous day with her head lying on the ground, barely breathing, barely breathing. , She was in another spot, away from the blanket that covered her that night, head up and ,ALIVE.
I needed that!
Suzie continued to get better, eating slowly and beginning to walk, little wobbly, but alive, I knew I had to write her story and my wavering unbelief.
What my problem is that I struggle. I KNOW these verses:
Matthew 14:14 "And I will do whatever you ask in My name so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in My name and I will do it."
Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you."
Matthew 17:20, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to there."
Matthew 7:9,"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, would give him a stone?"
Psalm37:4, Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
And IF I ask, and God doesn’t grant my ‘wish’, my ‘want’ then, I feel dejected, let down that God didn't answer my prayer in the way I wanted. People have told me many times that ‘maybe God is saying, No.
God says, "Just ask, I want you to ask. ….as I remember the scripture Mark 10:51 of Jesus walking up to the blind man and asking ”What do you want from me?”. I want to say, “Really? Don’t you know that of course he would want to be healed. But God wants us to ask. I guess He gets pure pleasure in giving us the desires of our heart! But, what if? What if He doesn’t grant our prayers? Then, we are told to trust in His ways. He knows.
What I love to tell myself, is that I am discussing my life with the CREATOR of the universe!!! I can’t put enough exclamation points behind that one. Everything….from the known atom and neutrons, to the known galaxies that would take billions of years to travel to….
And he healed my sheep,
Well, again, the story continues. The following Wed, around 7:30am, I noticed Suzie was away from the rest of the herd. She was also crying the little quiet labor pains that I know oh too well. She was getting up and pushing a little, straining that neck, turning her neck…Labor is upon her. Well, I let her walk, and do the mother thing. But by 11am, nothing really happening. Trouble….. I called the vet, and he could switch his afternoon schedule till later and come out now. I told him I would make a decision in 15 minutes and call him back.
I went to find Heather, I knew it would be easier to see if ‘anything’ was happening ‘down there” if someone could hold Suzie’s head and neck. Heather came out, gave Suzie some tincture to induce labor and it was really cute. Heather turned to go back to the little white house and I stopped her and said, oh, Heather I need you to hold Suzie, I have to go inside her to see what the problem is. Heather said, “Oh!”. So, she held, I tried, but I knew that the cervix wasn’t not opening, not progressing.
Long story short. I called the vet, he came out, it was excruciating ordeal. I have never witnessed anything so heartbreaking. I actually thought that she would have a heart attack in my arms, as the vet worked to pull a dead baby lamb from her womb that wasn’t cooperating. I understood that the pneumonia that she had a week previous would have caused the baby lamb to die inside her. Suzie could hardly sustain her life , let alone the life of her baby. But what I don’t understand is that I wonder why her body didn’t go into proper dilation and push the dead little lamb out. I knew it had to come out. The head was turned, the vet’s hands were large, it was tough. And it didn’t help to have read all the stories that morning about delivering dead lambs on the internet. All those stories turned out bad. The vet and gave her a shot of a stronger antibiotic.
I hoped for the best.
God told me over and over, I have her, I have her. And I went every hour, gave her liquids, feed her grass, grain, kept her out of the rain, gave her a spot in the rabbit barn. She needed no fences. She was swollen and hurting. This continued for a week and a half. Suzie continued to eat and chew her cud all this time, but had severe diarrhea and I would see only a trickle of urine come out. I kept giving her liquids through a 60cc syringe, and gave her Peptol Bismol for diarrhea. Well, after the Peptol Bismol, she stopped popping. All the while discussing this life situation with God. He had her covered.
Then, one day, after 10 or so days, knowing that nothing much was coming out, BUT a whole lot was going in, because I was giving it to her, I just now remembered all the penicillin and iron shots, and B12 shots I stuck her with. It consumed me, Taking care of her was overwhelming. Every hour I would check, look, care for her in some way. But the day came when she wasn’t swallowing and she lay in the bed of straw I had laid out for her. I knew. I knew what was coming. I sat with her, told her how I loved her, how she was such a good sheep and that next time if something like this happens, I would do it differently. She was my sheep, but I knew it was time for her to go. I had gone into the house for something, came out later and saw that she had passed away. I knew that God was in charge. I know that. I guess that is the thing to learn and do! To know and to Give it ALL to Him. Hah, being submissive to Him. And this is when I say, “HE MADE THE UNIVERSE.” Boy, did I cry. She was a special one! But God is in charge. He is in charge of this universe and He is in charge over me. The little things of planning my day, to the big, gigantic things of finding soul, lifetime mates for my girls….this time ,,,, Julianne. Cameron proposed and Julianne said “yes!”. Got to quit now, should I have warned you in the beginning that this was a long one?